Hello. So I turn 33 in about a month and I am currently going through the absolute worst time of my life. Things really suck, I am at the bottom. Because of my dire situation, depression and anxiety feel particularly heavy. My doctor has given me a maximum dose of prozac to cope with it but honestly, we both agree that the real cure to all my problems will be to get out of poverty. Too bad there’s no pill that can help with that.
To make matters worse, I feel like an absolute failure as a parent. Trying to keep him encouraged while being an active mom and also a somewhat fun mom is just exhausting. I am so glad that I gave my boy a keyboard for Christmas – he can play music and I can dance to it. We bond that way and it’s one of the only good things in my life right now.
Okay, I am almost done complaining but one more thing – I know what it feels like to be alone. I have about 3 people that genuinely care for me and my son. I have my Dad who is 80 years old. I have a male friend who lives 5 hours away but is very encouraging. And I have a sister who has an extremely comforting tone in her emails. Once upon a time, I had friends. But I ghosted them for various reasons which all come down to them making me feel uncomfortable. This depression is horrible – yesterday I was in a really bad place. My father asked me what I wanted for my birthday because he really, really doesn’t like to see me sad. In my mind, I thought that the best birthday present would be for me to not even be on this Earth anymore. But I couldn’t say that to him; he was obviously distraught over my situation.
But then last night, as I contemplated the black hole that tries to consume my mind, body, soul, and spirit, I noticed something else – the smallest sparkle of hope. I still had hope.
And when I thought about it, I noticed that I still believed that life would get better. One day, I won’t be miserable. One day, we will have a comfortable place to live. One day, these days will be the past and we will be living in a much better, more comfortable, life.
So I Thank God for that hope because it brought me into a more positive thinking pattern. While I don’t have many things going for me right now, I do still have the ability to write well- and enjoy doing it.
I also have this website, which I renewed back in October.
So I’ll combine them into a new spin.
Historically, I have discussed a wide range of subjects on this site. Food is a common thread here. But the more my life has serious issues, the more that food topics feel less fulfilling. But the title is not Easy Food Sources, it is Easy Light Sources. There is more light than just healthy foods.
There are plenty of things in life that make me feel a hopeful sparkle and I think my mental health will be better to give more attention to those things.
So I’m going to share more good news and positive stories here. I like success stories and hearing about other people having good things going for them and so when it comes to Easy Light Sources, those are the Light Sources that I’ll bring to the table more.
I have a bit over 200 followers on this site and I am thankful for every one of you for sticking with me through all the changes and everything else. Hopefully we can be more like friends in some small way that is still meaningful.
Thanks for reading.
Sidenote for my Christian and spiritual friends – I have another website called God is Easy.com and over there I will be sharing some inspired poetry that I have written. That’s likely to be a good place to share my other art, too.